We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
