So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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