He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Come share oat with me in your robe
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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