my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
