They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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