Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
