Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
MIDGETS
????
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
