And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you inspire me to be a worse person
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
