Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
