Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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