I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
