I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
