So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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