i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
