I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
