I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
