i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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