i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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