Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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