I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
