Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
