He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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