loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
