you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
