AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
