none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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