where does the pee come out of this thing
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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