I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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