Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
