that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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