meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your penis caused this!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize