I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
