And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
