My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
