Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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