No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
