I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
