Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
