How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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