the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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