he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
