I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
