youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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