We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
