So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the day after is always just damage control
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
