i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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