Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
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Do I have a choice?
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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