If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
