now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
