Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
