How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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